This is my first time blogging. Welcome. I must warn you some content may be angry. This will contain adult content.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Did you REALLY just say that!?

Let me start by saying, if you are pregnant or have been pregnant, you will enjoy this read.  If you know someone who is pregnant, you NEED to read this.

If you just THINK someone is pregnant, DO NOT COMMENT PRIOR TO CONFIRMATION! Just so you know, whatever your intentions IT IS RUDE!

People tend to blame a lot of things on hormones, emotions,and overreacting when you are pregnant. They have a term "baby brain" or "pregnancy brain" which is basically a pregnant person's temporary insanity.  I am 8 months pregnant and in my experience it is the people I come in contact with everyday that are suffering from this.

These are my thoughts on my encounters with the world since conceiving this lil miracle, enjoy.

I have had numerous people say to me "boy, you're getting bigger by the day!" First of all, how would any person react to such a comment. OFFENDED! Responses generated in my mind but not yet spoken by my lips include "no $#!& Sherlock, who do you think dressed me this morning" to the more graceful "well I should hope so, I'm growing a lil miracle in there." I prefer the former to the latter, it's more my style.

How about this one "Guess it's time you got some new clothes." Really,that's what you are going to say to me? I have TACTFULLY refrained from pointing out to you that your shoes needed to be retired with Magic Johnson's jersey, you are asking a bit too much out of the waistline of YOUR pants, and I understand that you didn't do a spin around in the mirror before leaving the house because there is hole in the backside of the arm of your shirt. Anyway, Motherhood Maternity gets this week's check!

7 weeks PRE due-date I had a gentleman walk passed me, turn around and come back, only to say to me with a giggle & a grin "when are ya gonna drop those twins? lol."  I failed to find the humor.  Is it appropriate to walk into an Over-eaters Anon Mtg  and start throwing out fat jokes while laughing hysterically? NO. But people find it incredibly entertaining to seek out pregnant women and make inappropriate jokes at the expense of the over-sized, overly hormonal, highly emotional carrier of a miracle!

I enjoy the need of the people around me to catalog all of the things I decide to eat at a meal. "OMG, did you just eat fruit and nachos and a sandwich, did you need desert?" Hey, nobody pick on the stoned guy in the corner that just demolished 2 bags of Late Night Cheeseburger Doritos, a box of twinkies, 2 liter of MT Dew and # 5 from Taco Bell! Look, I have cravings too and they aren't just mine. For dinner I wanted chicken, potatoes and veggie.  After that,the baby wanted Fruity Pebbles-GET OVER IT!

 Why is it that when you get pregnant and start showing a lil people on the street see a neon light over your head that reads "go ahead, please fondle me!" Would you walk down the street and just start rubbing bellies like you were surrounded by a bunch of modern day Buddhas just waiting for you to make a wish?!

I like the women who deem it necessary to share labor horror stories with you. Yes, please tell me! As if I am not already terrified of what comes after the birth enough. Will I know how to do this? SIDS. Diapers. Breastfeeding. Carseats. Daycare. Schools. Child molesters. First boyfriends/girlfriends. College funds. These things keep me up at night. Now you want to share with me you 43 hour agonizing labor. SAVE IT!  

Today a girl, with a silly smile on her face, looked at me and said "Still pregnant?" I simply without turning my head or raising my voice replied, "nope had him yesterday." I kept walking , thinking to myself stupid question, stupid answer. Is this cute? Again,this humor was wasted on me.

At 7 months people began to say to me "boy, you're gonna pop any day now!"  Nope, 2 more months.  I started off as a 5'2" 120# women.  I'm fairly certain you are gonna notice any weight I put on. And weight I have 40#s at this point.  I feel fine in my own skin.  I have not freaked out that I may never fit in the size 2 pants that adorn my closet.  I have not scoped out gym memberships and 30 day diets. Please do not push me! I will lose this 40#s and have beautiful baby boy to show for it. And what will your excuse be in 2 months?

I do enjoy some people around me like my husband who tells me I have never looked more beautiful. Who offers to get me the bowl of Fruity Pebbles after I have eaten dinner. Who Googles the size of our baby at different weeks and stumbles across pictures of women who are at the same point in their pregnancies and looks up at me and and states "you aren't as as a lot of other people at this point."

So back to the temporary insanity for a moment, where did I lose MY mind? do something inappropriate? I feel I have made a pretty strong argument for my case. It is those around me that need to take a moment and think before you speak & look,please don't touch.  I hope you have enjoyed my thoughts!